Hey! I'm Mark and welcome to the home of quality Bench Information.

Hey everyone! Welcome to Benchmark - The number one resource for information on benches and other associated garden furniture anywhere in the fucking World. Have a great time here, explore the forums, look at some nice benches, shit on a whore or learn how to make your own bench using only easily-found household items, whatever you want to do - now you're here, you'll never want to fucking leave.

So, before you get started, here's a few rules to keep everything friendly and fucking welcoming, while you're here, it'd be great if you could :-

Be nice, friendly and welcoming to others on the site.

Promise to tell at least three people unfamiiar with benches about benches, every day. If you can be arsed.

This page contains only family-friendly content. Due to a shitting medical disorder, the odd example of profanity may gush forth from my cursed thorax involuntarily. Anyone complaining about it, or implying, suggesting, or otherwise considering that it might be anything other than an spasmodic reflex that I can't do anything about can just ....

SO YOU'VE MADE IT THIS FAR YOU DISTENDED CAMEL'S RECTUM

We've all been there, waiting for that bus to the hospital, holding our left leg in our arms and hoping we don't bleed to death before we can get to A&E, but it's times like this that always present that most pertinent of modern first-World problems - Where's the nearest fucking Bench?

Before you piss off somewhere else, why not tell me what interests you mostest, so that I can tailor the site to your fucking personal needs you dirty dog.